Wednesday, August 9, 2017

Bitter Not Sweet for Reign


Bitter Not Sweet for Reign

Seattle (AP) – The CCHL Seattle Reign held a year end press conference after a 23-53-6 record which saw them finish dead last in the Corfield Conference and the 3rd worst record in the CCHL. Like previous years multiple Reign management and staff attended the press conference with Reign GM Michelle Chapman releasing a statement that there would be a surprise guest at this press conference.

Joining General Manager Chapman were Director of Media Relations Bruce Wayne, Director of Scouting Simon Cowell, Director of Player Development Charles Xavier, President of Hockey Operations Keyser Soze and Head Coach Scott Stevens. All took their place at the long table adorned in gold coloured fabric instead of the Reign’s colors while the banner behind the podium was adorned with a large red, white and blue banner with the phrase “You’re with Me” emblazoned in glittering gold lettering.

Chapman – Good day and thank you ladies and gentlemen of the press for being here today. Let me start off by first and foremost thanking the Seattle Reign fans for all their support and dedication to the team. On behalf of all the players, coaches, trainers and management we truly appreciate it and we are committed to rewarding you all with a Championship…hopefully sooner rather than later. I now open the floor to questions.

Art Thiel – This was the franchises 2nd worst ever finish with only its inaugral season being worse. The team is also now 42 games under .500 in its 4 seasons in Seattle. What exactly went wrong and how do you plan on improving things?

Chapman – Thank you for the question Art. Please be advised that all questions will be answered by Mr. McCurdy from a remote location and relayed to me on this here laptop *lightly touches laptop* and I will read out the answers.

*A collective gasp fills the room followed by widespread murmurring.*

ChapmanMr McCurdy says “We have ideas, great ideas on how to make the Reign great again. I know people, the best people, the absolute best people and you will see the great stuff that will happen.”

Thiel – Umm would you elaborate on these ideas or tell us who the people are that will be assisting with or implenting these ideas?

Chapman (McCurdy) – “Believe me the ideas are great, just great, really great ideas. People will love them, they are just fantastic, really fantastic.”

Clark Kent – What changes can we expect from a player or coaching standpoint for the next season and beyond.

Chapman (McCurdy) – “Thanks Clark. Let me start off by saying that you are swell, a swell, swell guy. Actually you are super, a super, super guy. I’m glad you are here I hope people are paying attention cause this guy is super just super.”
Kent – Thank you but that’s more than enough compliments I wouldn’t want people to think I’m someone I’m not.

Lois Lane – Please Clark everyone knows you are a simple reporter for the Daily Planet….I wish you were a super guy *wrly smiles*

Kent Brockman – Or a super man like we have in Springfield with owner Aaron Stacey. Speaking of Springfield how big of an improvement do you think the Isotopes will have this season?

Rita Skeeter – I thought Stacey wore a cape because he was playing in a quidditch match?

Alexander Luthor – What is a quidditch match

Diana Prince – Don’t worry Lex it’s an imaginary thing.

Skeeter – Aren’t we all?

Les Nessman – Not me, I’m real.

Luthor – Yeah a real idio….

Brockman – Hey can we get an answer to my question as I’ve got a TV news broadcast to do later today.

Tom Tucker – I hear ya Kent

Nessman – How could you not as you are sitting right next to him.

Chapman (McCurdy) – “I have nothing but respect for Springfield, there are great people there, lovely people. If people have not been there they should go to Springfield, great city, really great. Shelbyville is a nice city but Springfield, Springfield is great”

Peter Parker – I got photos of Springfield, lots of photos and a bunch of New York as well. There are some friendly neighbors in that town.

Charles Xavier – I hear the pests in that city are too. *Wryly smiles at Peter Parker*

Steve Rogers – Pests like wasps and ants?

Parker – My aunt can nag a bit but she is not a pest!

Xavier – I’m sure your aunt is lovely but to answer Mr. America’s question it was spiders I was referring to.

Rogers – It’s not mister but Captain, Chuck.

Tucker – You’re Captain Chuck?

Rogers – No America.

Chapman (McCurdy) – “America, it’s the greatest country in the world. Other nations are jealous of us, they wish they were great like us but we need to be great again that is why the Reign are going to be so tremndous next year because they are so great. Great people, just stuperendous”

Lane – I don’t think what you said makes any sense. What was the last thing you said…. stuperendous…that’s not even a word.

Chapman (McCurdy) – “Listen I know my words, I use good words, tremendous words all the perfect words. I have a big range of words I can use. Just ask me to use any they’re great.”

Tony the Tiger – So are Frosted Flakes!!

Bruce Wayne – Who let a tiger in here?

Matt Damon – Sorry he escaped from my Zoo.

Simon Cowell – You have a Zoo?

Damon – I just bought one. *Tony the Tiger runs out of the room*. Nice to see you all but I’ve got to go catch a Tiger.

Nessman – By the Tail? *smiles proudly*

Cowell – Now that’s what I call a talent.

Steve Rudman – Enough of that stuff. Let’s back to the topic, how are the Reign going to make things great. Exactly what changes can we expect?

Chapman (McCurdy) – “This is real change you can believe in not like those outside of hockey want you to believe. These are great changes, just fantastic changes. These changes will bring people back to Seattle. I guarantee that you will see so many people in Seattle we will have to build a new terrific arena. Enough people are leaving to other counties, we need to keep people here and that is what these terrific changes will do”

Thiel – You said a lot without saying anything at all. What specifically are you planning to change?

Chapman (McCurdy) – “Everything’s on our website. So many tremndous ideas, great ideas. These ideas are just fabulous, so great you’ll love them, everyone will just love them.”

Brockman – Uhhh I just checked the teams website and it is completely blank other than a “donate now” link

Nessamn – What the heck is a website?

Keyser Soze – It’s where people get their news from.

Nessman, Kent, Brockman, Tucker, Skeeter, Lane – WHAT!?!?

Dick Grayson – Holy collective yell Bat *interrupted by Bruce Wayne*

Wayne – Wow are you people that behind on news sources.

Chapman (McCurdy) – “Everyone keeps watching or reading the “fake news”. It’s a disgrace those people spread lies and fake truths. Just a bunch of fake news sources. They are not nice people, they are liars. I don’t watch fake news anymore. Those fake news people will be banned from entering the Sound Garden next year. The only real news is the one that is fair and balanced”

Rudman – Did I just hear that the press are banned from Seattle Reign games?

Wayne – No, no, no we are not banning the media from Seattle Reign games. We will just do proper vetting.

Chapman (McCurdy) – “Vets, doctor, teachers, lawyers, plumbers they are all allowed to watch games but not those “fake news” people. Everyone else is great but fake news people bad. They’re bad, bad, bad, people, just awful.”

Lane – Mr. McCurdy the vetting Mr. Wayne was referring to was for the media…you did understand that.

Chapman (McCurdy) – “Yes. Everyone knows vetting serves a role but what is more important is checking people to make sure the right kind of people come into the arena to report on the games.”

Skeeter – That’s what Mr. Wayne said, hence the term vetting.

Luthor – I don’t think he understands….maybe he is obtuse

Brockman – I think he is a Sagatarius.

Scott Stevens – *slams fist on table* Enough can we get back to hockey talk.

Thiel – Have we even begun hockey talk? How about UFA and RFA signings? Would anyone be able to shed some light on why Seattle made the choices they did?

Chapman (McCurdy) – “We signed great players, just great players. The players we did not sign not so much great but we really got some teremendous players here, just tremendous.”

Thiel – Even Varlamov, as he was Seattle’s only signing?

Chapman (McCurdy) – “He is a tremendous guy, just tremendous. He is outstanding, just a great great guy and of course he’s Russian. You can’t go wrong with great Russians.”

Kent – What about those who lived under Stalin?

Tucker –Speaking of stalling can we hurry up and get an answer to the most important question. Moustache or no moustache *places finger above upper lip*

Luthor – I’ve never been a fan of hair.

Xavier – Same here.

Henry McCoy – Hair isn’t that bad.

Chewbacca – Hhhhraa aruugghhhh arwahhrs

Han Solo – Chewy agrees and says chicks dig hair

Lane – Yeah right.

Skeeter – They can keep telling themselves that if it helps them sleep at night

Prince – Yes….in a bed all by themselves.

*Lane, Skeeter and Prince high-five each other*

Rudman – Speaking of bed can we put to rest the rumor that this team is now focusing on Russian players?

Wayne – I categorically deny that to be the case.

Cowell – I concur.

Soze – We also scout heavily in Eastern Europe

Chapman (McCurdy) – “But not the Middle East. The Middle East is bad. Bad players in the Middle East. Bad, real bad guys in the Middle East. I am going to ban Middle East players from our team and Middle East people from coming to our games”

Kent – I don’t think you can do that.

Wayne – I think you misheard what he said. We are open to players from anywhere as long as they can help the team

Chapman (McCurdy) – “Except from the Middle East cause they are all bad from there. Just really bad people not great ones just bad ones”

Soze – That is not exactly what he means. Anyone can come here to play our borders are open.

Chapman (McCurdy) – “Unless you are from the Middle East, some bad hombres there, real bad hombres”

Wayne – I think we are experiencing difficulties with Mr. McCurdy’s feed. *nods to Stevens*

Chapman (McCurdy) – “ We are, why I can hear everything just fine, I was just saying about how all the bad people are in the Mid….*Stevens unplugs cable from laptop in front of Chapman and tosses it on ground*

Cowell – It appears we have lost the signal so the press conference will continue without Mr. McCurdy. Now where were we?

Nessman – I believe its’ the Conference Room at the Sound Garden Arena

Lane – Really Les?!?

Nessman – Yes I’m quite observant.

Skeeter – Like you see the “walls” in your office.

Kent – At leaset he reports on newsworthy events and not gossip

Soze – Speaking of gossip do you know the greatest trick the Devil ever pulled?

Luthor – Drafting Martin Brodeur

Chapman – That was the Devils not the Devil.

Ron Burgundy – Well the Devil is in the details….like the detailed stiching of my custom made suit that makes the ladies swoon *winks at Rita Skeeter*

Skeeter - *blushing* Oh Ron

Burgundy – Get used to saying that Rita.

Brockman – Yeah stay classy San Diego.

Burgundy – By Lucifer’s beard…that’s my tag line

Lane – Speaking of staying “classy” will Mr.McCurdy be joining us again?

Wayne – Wayne Enterprises is troubleshooting the problem. We hope to have it rectified.

Kent – So same bat channel?

Tucker – I think you meant National Geographic channel. That’s where the bat stories are found.

Nessaman – You can also find them in comic book stores.

Parker – Comics have lots of pictures and so do I.

Soze - Comics do not have pictures they have illustrations. That reminds me of the time I worked in an art store in Dayton Ohio

Luthor – Home of the champion Musicmen led By Mr. Bill Corfield?

Brockmans – I thought the only time he took the lead was on vocals with the band.

Neesman – He’s the lead singer of The Band?

Wayne – No not The Band but his own band.

*entering the room in a hurry are two gentlemen dressed in matching jumpsuits covered in glitter and sequins *

Siegfried Fischbacher – I heard there is a tiger on the loose around here

Soze – Yes he ran out that door and turned left.

Roy Horn - Do we have to go after him Siegfried. I’d rather stay retired.

Kent – Better hurry Jason Bourne was already hot on his tail.

Burgundy – Hot tail?!? Perhaps I should investigate this…Burgundy style.

Skeeter – But Ron what about us?

Burgundy – It could never last baby. Ron Burgundy is just too much man for only one woman. I need a new thrill now that I’ve had my fill.

Cowell – Oh you’re full of something allright.

*The two gentlemen in matching glittering outfits run flamboyantly out of the room*

Snagglepuss – Heavens to Murgatroid, well then if they’re heading left it’s time for me to exit stage right. Toodle doo.

Cowell – 2 talking cats in one room wow America’s got some talent.

Brockman – Sounds like it would make for an interesting show.

Cowell – Hmmm you’re right and I think I know who would be the perfect judge.

Kent – Judy?

Wayne – Reinhold?

Soze – Wapner?

Luthor – Dredd?

Stevens – Enough with the judge talk let’s get back to hockey.

Thiel – You retained a handful of RFA’s although none long term. Most of them are bottom line or role players so will this team struggle to win as many games as it did last year?

Soze – We are confident in the direction we are heading. The players we signed help fill needs or retain a specific role that the team needs. We know Coach Stevens will get the most out of these players.

Larry Stone – Yes but what about the fans? You are asking them to make commitments and they may not see a whole lot to cheer about in this upcoming season or even next season.

Chapman – We hope fans realize what we are trying to do and there may be some growing pains but we feel we have some good talent on this team and will add more in the upcoming season or two. Sometimes you have to take one step back before you can take two steps forward. Winning isn’t everything.

Nessman – It’s the only thing! *smiles proudly and looks around the room*

Stone – So what do you tell fans who expect wins?

Wayne – We need to provide a fun, entertaining experience for the whole family and try to put out the best product we can.

Rogers – I don’t think you have had success in doing that recently along with Mr. Kent.

Kent – What does this have to do with me, I’m doing my best but it’s so hard when everyone expects so much and then worries when you do show your abilities.

Tony Stark – Old man Rogers is right. Maybe you could start off by smiling more Clark…you’re always so morose. You’ve got a good job, a hot little lady *winks at Lois Lane, Lane blushes* and so much power in your fingertip. Just let loose and have some fun….you too Bruce…but hey you live in a cave…I mean manor. By the way do you validate parking, my jets on the roof and I don’t want to get ticketed.

Rogers – Really Stark! A plane parked on the roof. Did you ever hear of a cab?

Kent – I smile a lot see *attempts to part lips to show teeth, nose bunches up and bottom lip regresses into mouth as eyes get really wide*

Everyone in room except Kent – ewwwww!!

Lane – Clark please don’t. For me please don’t.

Stark– What can I say I like to travel in style…which reminds me I have to make sure the stretch limo picking up Pepper has the gold wheel rims and the pool.

Cowell – A limo with a pool, I like your style Mr. Stark.

Stark– Yes its’ hard being me but I am so damn good at it. *Tips a long stem glass full of champagne to the table of Reign executives as he taps a device on his ear*

Rudman – Okay so the Reign are looking to the future however that seems to be what was the philosphy a few years ago so isn’t the organization going back…back to the future.

Marty McFly – Not without me their not.

Doc Brown – Gadzooks Marty that means I’m going to need more fuel for the flux capacitor. I’ve got to contact me friends in the Middle East

McCurdy – *voice emenates from the PA speakers in the room* The Middle East is bad, bad people. I will not trade with any of those teams, it’s just awful trades for Seattle with those bad people from the Middle East. They are very desivious.

Soze – Where is his voice coming from?

Kent – Great job Wayne Enterprises *glares at Bruce Wayne*

Wayne – I have no idea what is happening. No one informed me we restablished connection.

Chapman – Sir are you sure you want to join us? You must have much more important things to do far away from the press…..like golfing on one of your beautiful, luxurious golf courses.

McCurdy – My courses are fantastic, just really fantsatic, great, great courses. Everyone raves about how they are the best courses just so terrific.

Grayson – Bruce do you want me to look further into this to see who or what is at work.

Wayne – Go to it Dick and get in touch with Alfred as maybe he can help.

Nick Fury – I suspect Hydra being involved.

G. I. Joe – Or perhaps Cobra Command

Luthor – Why is there a 12 inch talking man in the room and where did he come from?

Prince – Oh he’s adorable cute yet grizzled looking…he’s a real doll

Barbara Millient Roberts – I think the only doll around here is me *giggles*

Ken Carson – That’s right Barbie in my eyes you’re the only doll around here.

Cowell – *points to G.I. Joe* Can you sing? Or even play the piano for that matter. If you can I’ve got a show for you.

G.I. Joe – I’m wearing frickin’ army fatigues and your asking about singing and playing piano. Do you really need a 12 inch pianist?

Lane – I know I could use one…Am I right ladies?!

*Skeeter, Prince, Lane, Vicky Vale, Harley Quinn, Storm, Jane Grey, Natahsa Romanov and Chapman all high five one another*

All the males in the room – Really!?! Really!?!

Ken – I’d settle for something….anything

Barbie – So would I.

Elmer Fudd – Hewwo. Have any of you seen a tiger on the woose awound here?

Kent – Yeah he was here a little while ago. The talented Mr. Ripley and Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum went after him.

Tweedle Dee and Tweddle Dum – * in unison* No we didn’t we’re right here.

Brockman – Before we get predicitions on how the Isotopes of Springfield will do can we wrap up what’s happening here in Seattle?

Luthor – Yes let’s move on to the draft

G.I. Joe – Draft? We don’t need a draft everyone should enlist.

Wayne – The draft we are referring to is one for hockey players not a military draft.

Thiel – Seattle’s selection of Nico Hischier with the 2nd overall pick was fairly predictable. What are the odds he is the #1 center for the franchise in a few years?

McCurdy – Predictions are often wrong…let me tell you. There usually made by the biased media and all those fake news reporters. Nico is a great player, just a tremendous player really, really great. I expect the people will think he is fantastic.

Prince – That might be the 1st honest thing you’ve said all day….the latter half of that anyway.

Tucker – What about the other players picked like Klim Kostin, Ryan Poehling, Jesper Boqvist and Mackenzie Entwistle to name but a few. What can you tell us about them?

Cowell – We’re happy with the talent we selected it’s a bit of a risk but we have to build and add to our prospect depth through the draft.

Chapman – That is why evaluating is essential which we do through extensive scouting which can be tough.

Tonto – I agree kemosabe.

Fudd – Speaking of scouting can anyone tell me exactwy what way dat Tiger wan?

Tonto – *leans over turns head so ear touches floor* It went West. The panther East.

Bugs Bunny – and I finally took that left turn at Albuquerque and this is where I end up….*sees Fudd* ehh what’s up doc?

Skeeter – You two know one another.

Fudd – Yes he waz da bane of my existence but no wonger. I am done hunting wabbits. *Exits room heading West*

Wayne – Did someone say Bane?

Grayson – Holy paranoid Bruce…not that Bane

Lane – Who is this Bane and is he a thorn in your side or something?

Wayne – He is a strong, determined person with a never say die attitude.

Thiel – Sounds like he would be a good fit on the left side for the Reign.

McCurdy – He sounds tremendous, just tremendous. I’ll get my people to veterinarian him right away and as long as he is not from the Middle East we will sign him.

Price – I think you are using the wrong word there Mr. McCurdy.

McCurdy – No I think tremendous is the word I wanted to use….I’ve got lots of big words, really great words like that to use. Everyone knows I have a large IQ.

Soze – Mr. McCurdy is just joking around with everyone…..Seattle will not be signing Bane but we have nothing against players from the Middle East .
Rudman – Will you be signing anyone as the roster is paper thin heading into the season.

Parker – Newspaper thin?!?

Stone – I think that ship has sailed kid.

Fury – Speaking of sailing, Stark, Rogers, Romanov we’ve got to go. There’s a situation taking place.

Luthor – Is it on the Jersey Shore?

Chapman – Oh come on….that’s so bad

Nessman – I don’t get it.

Xavier – Don’t worry Les…..neither does Barbie.

*room breaks out in laughter, except Ken who lowers head and shakes it from side to side and Barbie who frowns*

*3 small men about 6 - 8” tall enter the room each wearing a distinct coloured ensemble, red, yellow and blue*

Cowell – and who do we have here?

Parker – I’m getting a tingly feeling

Lane – Too much caffeine?

Fury – Parker are you joining us or what.

Stark – I already spoke to him about that.

Parker – I will but I have to do things on my own

Soze – Don’t you do that every handful of years….but you always look different. You like to keep people guessing.

McFly – and you like to keep the mystery going right up until the end.

Soze – I like suspense.

Burgundy – I like the ladies and a nice aged scotch

Sean Connery – Excuse me sir but that I will not partake in that sort of activity.

Xavier – He said scotch not Scot!

Connery – My apologies good sir.

Burgundy – I love that accent where are you from? No wait let me guess! Sounds a bit like those from the valley so I’m going to guess you are from San Fernando

Brockman – Wrong there amigo

Tucker – Burgundy is Mexican I had no idea.

McCurdy – Hmmm I have an idea about Mexico involving a wall

Thiel – Do you have any idea about what is happening with Seattle this season?

Skeeter – Wait a minute I still want to know who the 3 amigos who just enetered the room are.

McCurdy – More Mexicans I definitly need to do this wall thing.

The 3 small men – I’m Snap, this is Crackle and he’s Pop

Prince – Can we help you with something?

Snap– Yeah we’re looking for a Tiger.

Crackle – He headed this way about 20 minutes ago.

Pop – We really need to find this guy

Kent – Does he owe you money or something?

Snap – We’ve got a score to settle so we would like to talk to him to straighten things out.

Grayson – Holy breakfast meal…I recognize you 3. You were persons of interest in the death of that fruity related bird

Brockamn – Toucan Sam?

Grayson – Yeah him as well as Count Chocula, Cap’n Crunch and that little Irish guy

Wayne – Colin Farrell

Kent – No Lucky the Leperchaun

Crackle - Yeah his luck ran out.

Nessman – So did the Tiger about 20 minutes ago. He headed West with a lot of people on his tail.

Pop – Thanks Kemosabe.

Tonto – That my line.

McCurdy – Lines that’s what we need to stop, lines of Mexicans coming into Seattle Reign’s games. I will build a tremndous wall, a terrific wall, a great wall.

Lane – China already has one of those.

McCurdy – That’s why we have to stop outsourcing to China we need to have those things manufactured here in America. Seattle can do that, I’ll bring jobs and great hockey to Seattle.

Kent – Great this guy now has two promises he will fail to deliver on.

*Snap, Crackle and Pop turn around and exit the room whistling and chanting here kitty, kitty*

Burgundy – By Blackbeard’s beard, who were those guys?

Wayne – I f I’m not mistaken, and I never am because I’m batm…I mean I’m observant I’d say those 3 are cereal killers.

*A gasp echos through the room*

Stevens – Enough the press conference is over!! No more questions until the season starts. *Reign executives quickly get up form the table and depart the room*

McCurdy – Hey where is everyone going I’ve got great ideas, just terrific, fabulous ideas, really sensational ones. People will love them, you want to hear them?

Rudman – How about releasing Seattle’s financial numbers as rumor has it you want to have Washington state pay for a new arena.

McCurdy – Uhhhh I have to go I have auditors coming to look at my books and they will not permit them to be released. I hope you enjoyed hearing all my great ideas for the Reign. Make Seattle Great Again!! *PA goes silent*

Stone – What was that? He said a whole lot during the press conference without actually saying anything at all. How do people figure out if he is leading the Reign in the right direction if he doesn’t discuss his ideas, whatever they may be? *shakes head*

Kent – Let’s go Lois, to the Daily Planet offices we go

Skeeter – Back to Hogwart’s

Brown – Back to the future Marty

Luthor – I’ve heard that before

Brockman – Yes and the sequel sucks…don’t waste your time.

Nessman – You will be hearing me again on the radio with the 6 o’clock news.

Tucker – Ha!!! I doubt that as they will be watching me and my beautiful mustache at 6 o’clock

Brockman – What!! Sorry Tom but the viewers will be tuning in to watch me at that time.

Burgundy – Gentlemen, gentlemen I believe I have everyone’s interest and eyeballs with my action news team broadcast at 6 o’clock

Lane – Sounds like a fight is brewing

Burgundy – Oh no, no no. THAT IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN, NOT, NO, NO WAY. *composes himself, straightens jacket and uses hand to put his hair back into place* Sorry just had some bad memories from some of those in the past.

Parker – Haven’t we all.

Price – Yes we have.

Barbie – Hey sounds like everyone needs to have some fun so let’s all go back to my place for a BBQ and some drinks.

Ken – Sounds great babe

G.I Joe – There’s a lot of people here are you sure you can afford that.

Barbie – No problem I have plenty of money.

McFly – What do you do for a living?

Barbie – Lots of things. I’m an astronaut, a doctor, a nurse, a lawyer, a business woman, a veterinarian, an accountant, a teacher, an engineer, an architect, an actress, a singer, a flight attendant…

Grayson – Holy job fair..how do you work at all of those occupations?

Barbie – Not sure I guess I’m just imagina doing something and it become reality…. I was an astronaut when I was 6.

Lane – How old are you?

Barbie – We will talk.

Stark - *sidles up to Barbie* Yes we will, yes we will

Virginia “Pepper” Potts – Tony!!

Stark – What can’t a guy have a little harmless fun

Rogers – There’s nothing harmless about you

Stark – I know but there’s lots harmless about you and of course him *points at Ken, specifically towards his crotch*

Connery – Ha ha ha laddy great one there…you are in a league of your own a real extraordinary gentleman

Fury – No sir I think that title is all yours.

* One by one everyone except Art Thiel exits the room and from the shadows in the back emerges the same tall lanky figure from last season’s press conference. He once again is adorned in a purple suit, a bright green shirt matching his green hair. His white painted face is contrasted by his bright ruby red lips that run halfway up cheeks, he twirls an umbrella in one of his hands which are covered with purple leather gloves.

He looks at Thiel who catches his gaze and then sits down a couple of chairs away. The man in purple turns to Thiel

Unknown man – Can I ask you a question?

Thiel – I think you just did.

Unknown – Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha…looks like I did but here’s another…did any of those people seem sane to you

Thiel – Uhhhh….. I guess not, but hey one could say they’ve got character.

Unknown – Character?!? Character?!? I go to Arkham Asylum but these people don’t. * beckons Thiel closer with his fingers and leans his head towards Thiel*

* Thiel leans in closer to the man*

Unknown - *whispers* they don’t have character…. *yells angrily* They are characters!!!!! Ha ha ha ha ha heee, heee , heee heee, ha ha ha hee heee heee. *he hops up out of his chair opens up the umbrella, waves his fingers at Thel and exits the room singing..”I’m singin in the rain, just singin in the rain, what a glorious feelin’ I’m happy again….*singing stops* ooooo lookee there is that a Tiger I see?

Thiel – *shakes head and mumbles* no matter what anyone says that guy is still a joker.
















Monday, July 17, 2017

Mining for Prospect Gold – Sudbury Miners 2017 CCHL Draft Review

CANADIAN PRESS (Sudbury, ON):

Going into their first CCHL Entry Draft since their re-location from Copenhagen at the conclusion of the 2016-17 season, the Sudbury Miners were looking to un-earth some talent and change the direction of the club, despite the Cinderella playoff run the franchise had just experienced.
Through his various moves leading up to the draft, General Manager Terry James was armed with 15 picks in this year’s draft (including 5 picks in the first 22) in order to start the re-shaping of this franchise.  He and his scouting staff went big on skill this draft, grabbing such highly rated prospects as Owen Tippett and Casey Mittelstadt among others in this draft.   Elite talent is now bound for Sudbury.
This was always going to be a historic draft for one of the CCHL’s newest cities, but in getting the prospects they did, Sudbury has established a rock-solid foundation for its pipeline.
“It’s hard to get the kind of talent we did anywhere else than in the draft, “ James said.  “It’s not hanging on trees; it’s not low fruit.  You have to build your team and get your elite players through the entry draft.”
The Miners pipeline received a nice infusion of talent up front and on the back-end, but they know that they still need to improve their goaltending prospect pool.  Taking highly touted Finnish goalie, Ukko-Pekka Luukkonen early in the second round was a start.
James is quick to caution fans in Sudbury that this is a process, and that players taken from this draft class could take two or more years for any of these prospects to make it to the NHL.  James strongly believes that letting these guys grow and find success at the collegiate, European, and AHL levels often pays big dividends down the road for a patient organization.  He added that the team would not be giving up prospects or picks for short-term gains, instead opting for the long-term approach to development.
Overall, this isn’t a draft that makes the Miners a better team in 2017-18 but it should be a draft that pays dividends down the road, with very strong prospects at forward and in net, and some good “lottery ticket” type picks in the later rounds.  James and his staff have laid the groundwork for the organization’s future success.
Below are the picks that make up the 2017 Sudbury Miners Entry Draft Class:
Owen Tippett - RW 1st Round - 6th Overall
Casey Mittelstadt - C 1st Round - 7th Overall
Jusso Valimaki - D 1st Round - 14th Overall
Elias Petterrsson - C 1st Round - 15th Overall
Martin Necas - RW 1st Round - 19th Overall
Ukko-Pekka Luukkonen - G 2nd Round - 36th Overall
Henry Jokiharju - D 2nd Round - 43rd Overall
Alex Formenton - LW 3rd Round - 58th Overall
Troy Terry - C 5th Round - 102nd Overall
Morgan Geekie - C 6th Round - 111th Overall
Ian Scott - G 6th Round - 124th Overall
Evan Barratt – C/LW 7th Round - 146th Overall
Cameron Crotty - D 8th Round - 168th Overall
Matt Benning - D 10th Round - 212th Overall

Brandon Hagel - LW 11th Round - 234th Overall

Wednesday, July 12, 2017

Norsemen 2017 Draft Review...

2017 CCHL DRAFT REVIEW: Minnesota Norsemen

[SAINT PAUL . MN]

The 2017 CCHL Draft has completed, and the Minnesota Norsemen leave Halifax with twenty new prospects to add to an already immense pool.

                “Like every draft, we’re thorough in our analysis and pick with a purpose,” said General Manager Blake Wendt. “We take pride in how we approach this process. Starts probably early fall when you get those initial eligible names. Some you have been aware of for much longer. But as an overall draft group, that’s when we start laying the ground work for what we hope to accomplish in June/July for the next year.”

                This year’s draft almost didn’t even happen for the Norsemen. Having traded away most of their picks for prospects further along in their development. But parlaying some dispensable assets and cash amassed a large horde for Wendt and his Norsemen.

                “We got some really good quality for the picks we moved out,” said Wendt. “Obviously we run the risk of being left out on the front porch when everyone else is inside partying. But again, we got what we wanted out of trading those picks initially and still managed to acquire many more and really got some high quality future assets in the players we drafted.”

                In total, Minnesota used their twenty picks on seven forwards, ten defensemen and three goaltenders. Amongst that group, they were all over the board geographically, physically and even age.

                The Norsemen took twelve North Americans. Eight Americans and four Canadians. Of the eight from the U.S., they kept to their normal script of keeping as much of the homegrown talent in-state, with seven Minnesotans. Europe traditionally has been a place not well mined for Wendt and his staff. But this year a total of eight players were snagged from over the pond. Five Swedes, one Finn, one Latvian and a Swiss.

                “I think that this draft gave us an opportunity to seek out different places where we don’t normally go,” said Wendt. “This year the crop of first year talent depth was probably not near as heavy as years past. While there was also ample, older talent that maybe developed at a slower rate and have been overlooked. We made it our focus to go after those type players.”

                Age-wise, Minnesota’s youngest player taken was goalie, Olle Eriksson Ek (18, 6/22/99). The oldest being defenseman, Philip Holm (25, 12/8/91).

                The disparity in the Norsemen picks wasn’t just limited to birthdays. Goaltender, Gilles Senn (6’5) stands a full eight inches taller than defenseman, Jacob Bryson (5’9). Center, Scott Reedy and defenseman, Andreas Borgman (205 lbs) are a full thirty five pounds heavier than left-winger, Noah Cates (170 lbs).

                “Overall, we don’t care so much about heights, weights and age. As long as you can skate and be an asset to this team. We kept an open mind to bring in guys that fit into the style of hockey we want to play. If you’re 5’9, from Honolulu, and skate like you’re on air, you’ve got our attention. More than a 6’8 road cone from Saskatoon.”

 Minnesota Norsemen picks:
D Filip Westerlund (Frolunda, SHL)
F Stelio Mattheos (Brandon, WHL)
D Andreas Borgman (HV71, SHL)
F Scott Reedy (US Dev Team, USHL; Committed to the Univ of Minnesota)
D Mikey Anderson (Waterloo, USHL; Committed to the Univ of Minn-Duluth)
F Noah Cates (Stillwater [MN] High School; Committed to the Univ of Minn-Duluth)
F Tanner Laczynski (The Ohio State Univ, NCAA)
G Olle Eriksson Ek (Frolunda J20, Swe-Jr)
D Jake Bischoff (Graduated from the Univ of Minnesota, NCAA)
D Josh Healey (early departure from The Ohio State Univ, NCAA)
D Calle Rosen (Vaxjo, SHL)
D Nick Perbix (Elk River [MN] High School; Committed to St Cloud State Univ, NCAA)
G Matiss Kivlenieks (Sioux City, USHL)
D Philip Holm (Vaxjo, SHL)
F Cameron Hughes (Univ of Wisconsin, NCAA)
F Sebastian Repo (Tappara, SM-liiga)
D Jacob Bryson (Providence Univ, NCAA)
G Gilles Senn (HC Davos, SUI)
D Matt Hellickson (Sioux City, USHL; Committed to the Univ of Notre Dame, NCAA)
F Nick Swaney (Waterloo, USHL; Committed to Univ of Minn-Duluth)



#duNord

                

Wednesday, January 25, 2017

FALCONS NAME ALTERNATE CAPTAINS

Fort Erie - 1/24/17

The Fort Erie Falcons have announced that Evgeni Malkin, Tyler Toffoli, and Paul Stastny will serve as alternate captains for the remainder of the season.  

The team will hold off naming an official captain until the start of next season.  

"We feel that this is a good group to lead the rest of the way through this season.  Given our decision to rebuild, we feel these three will be key members of the Falcons franchise for a number of years to come" said General Manager Matt Young at the press conference.  

In what has been a whirlwind season for Fort Erie, Young has managed to change the face of the franchise within just a few short months.  

Young has been quiet on the proceedings this season and has met with the media today for the first time since dispatching several key veterans in the rebuilding effort.  

"I didn't meet with you people because I knew there would be a lot of questions.  I wasn't done and I didn't want anything to be leaked with respect to the plan.  We are still not done but we are in a better place today to compete for the next decade than we were 3 short months ago" added the upstart Young.  

In what were surprising moves, Young dealt Pietrangelo, Carter, Datsyuk, and Perry for a host of picks and prospects that should be CCHL ready next season.  

In a more bizarre move, Young also dealt Kadri before re-acquiring the shift disturber just 23 days later.  

"It was a little bizarre," said Kadri. "It's a good thing that I hadn't sold my house.  I got to move back in.  It might be the easiest trade I'll ever go through."  

Young thought the move just made sense.  

"Not that I need to justify it to you, but I like Naz.  I think he could turn into one of the best third centers in the league behind Geno and Dylan (Strome)" quipped Young.  

While the team is clearly building for the future, Malkin believes the team can make the playoffs this season.  

"We are only three points out.  JVR is back in another game.  We have a tradition of winning in this organization and have made the playoffs five straight years.  I'm new here but I believe that this group can make the playoffs" said Geno with the "A".  

While the team has three first round picks for this summer's draft, it remains to be seen whether or not they'll all be used by the Falcons.  

"I'll do whatever it takes to compete with Hamilton, Siberia, and Wisborg for the next decade.  I'll examine all opportunities for those picks and decide what we do closer to the draft.  We are definitely looking for a defenceman, that's for sure" concluded Young. 

It should be an interesting conclusion to the season and off-season in Fort Erie as the team continues its aggressive rebuild.  


Tuesday, January 24, 2017

Youth Movement Progressing Strongly in 3 Cities...

Youth Movement Progressing Strongly in 3 Cities

This CCHL season, we have seen a lot of the same top contenders in the CCHL as last year.  You have the reigning champion Puffin leading the Canosa Conference and leading the league in goal scoring, followed by the steady and reliable Georgetown Millers and Victoria Ronin.  The Corfield Conference is led by perennial contender and current #1 team, the Dayton Musicmen, followed by the #2 team in the league, the young and strong Calgary Chinooks, along with the ever present Niagara Falls Thunder.  But this year, we are seeing a few young teams pushing for playoff spots with their youthful rosters.  Those 3 teams are the Hamilton Tigers, the Siberia Icecats and the Wisborg Donuts.  All 3 teams missed the playoffs last year and all have been building with youth and lots of patience.  The Tigers and Icecats are battling it out for 4th place in the tough Canosa Conference, while the Donuts currently sit in 5th place in the Corfield Conference, but poised to push the Winnipeg Ferrets for 4th.  We spoke with GM Silvio Saouaf of the Icecats earlier today and here is what he had to say.  "You know, it's refreshing to see this team with it's youth step up and make a difference.  The last few years have been extremely hard on Icecats fans, but as promised, they are starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.  With captain Connor McDavid leading the way, this team has forged an identity of playing tough and putting the puck in the net.  We have struggled defensively, but we are addressing that also.  I expect this team to be better next season."  GM Saouaf is of course referring to his deadline deal to bring in a stalwart on D, Marc Vlasic.  He should be a rock on the Icecats blue line for many years to come.

GM Saouaf also had this to say about his fellow youthful franchises.  "You know, I admire what both GM Taylor and GM Kallum have done with their teams.  They have built their teams through the draft, as we have in Siberia, and have blended in experienced veterans to balance their teams.  I expect that we will be battling each other for years to come as our franchises continue to grow and evolve."  Indeed, these 3 franchises are on their way up the ranks of the CCHL.  With all of this youth, will they be able to maintain their positions down the stretch?  This is where their veteran leadership will help balance the inexperience of their youth.  Only time will tell if these 3 franchises can rise to become powerhouses like Dayton, Calgary, Reykjavik, Copenhagen, Georgetown, Niagara Falls and Victoria.  Stay tuned sports fans!

Sunday, October 2, 2016

Trio Shine In Chinook’ 5-2 Win Over the Reign September 30th, 2016 (Game 1)



Trio Shine In Chinook’ 5-2 Win Over the Reign
September 30th, 2016 (Game 1)

CALGARY, AB -- The line of the Calgary Chinook scored three goals and combined for six points to defeat the Seattle Reign 5-2 in season home opener action at Scotiabank Saddledome on Friday.
Sean Monahan had two goals and an assist, Silfverberg had a goal and an assists and 20-year-old hockey sensation Dylan Larkin had his first CCHL assist for the Chinook (1-0-0). Nyquist had a goal and an assist for the Reign (0-1-0).
"We're learning each other," Monahan said. "The good thing is we've started camp together from Day One. We've had lots of good practices. I think the three of us work well together. It's just been a pretty smooth transition so far."

Calgary goaltender John Gibson made 29 saves in the game. 

O’Reilly scored early in the game at 1:44 of the first period, deflected a shot off from Letang. "It's always nice to score goals no matter what it is," O’Reilly said. "It's always a good feeling. You want to have that good feeling going into the start of the season. “

Need to Know:  Neither team score on the power play.  Both teams spent the equal amount of time (9mins 52 seconds) in the offensive zone.  Barkov played only 10 mins despite playing on the first line.  

Three Stars:
1.  Monahan - 2 goals, 1 assist
2.  Letang - 3 assists

3.  Nyquist - 1 shorthanded goal, 1 assist