League wide Christmas report card (by Calgary)

 

TOP CONTENDERS

1. Fort Erie Falcons

Snapshot: League-best record, dominant +89 goal differential

Player Impact: Reinhart, Draisaitl, Jarvis form the most lethal top core in the league

Outlook: Clear championship favorite if health holds

Grade: A+

---

2. Denver Spurs

Snapshot: Excellent consistency, strong road play

Player Impact: Guentzel and Nelson drive offense; depth scoring steady

Outlook: True contender, just needs defensive tightening

Grade: A

---

3. Calgary Chinook

Snapshot: Elite goal differential, red-hot form 

Player Impact: Makar is league-defining; Rantanen & Ovechkin still lethal

Outlook: Built for a deep playoff run

Grade: A

---

4. Capeside Loons

Snapshot: Strong offense, slight recent stumble

Player Impact: Eichel, Matthews, Boldy give elite firepower

Outlook: Dangerous if defensive play sharpens

Grade: A-

---

5. Iceland Icecats

Snapshot: Excellent balance, strong possession team

Player Impact: McDavid leads the pace; Sanderson & Suzuki add structure

Outlook: One of the hardest teams to play against

Grade: A-

---

6. Fergus Flapping Kilts

Snapshot: Consistent, physical, disciplined

Player Impact: Barkov dominates both ends; Weegar logs monster minutes

Outlook: Built for playoff hockey

Grade: A-

---

PLAYOFF TEAMS / STRONG MID-PACK

7. Las Vegas Aces

Snapshot: Solid record, recent slump

Player Impact: Panarin, Miller, Crosby still drive offense

Outlook: Veteran group—dangerous if they peak late

Grade: B+

---

8. Amos Comets

Snapshot: Strong surge (W5), good depth scoring

Player Impact: O’Reilly, Cooley, Marner provide balance

Outlook: Legit playoff threat

Grade: B+

---

9. New Mexico Scorpions

Snapshot: Strong home play, good goal output

Player Impact: Tuch and Thompson bring power scoring

Outlook: Tough out, matchup-dependent

Grade: B

---

10. Victoria Ronin

Snapshot: Slightly above average, tight goal margin

Player Impact: Quinn Hughes drives offense from the back end

Outlook: Fringe contender

Grade: B

---

11. Halifax Norsemen

Snapshot: Even record, negative goal differential

Player Impact: Kucherov provides offense; Celebrini shows promise

Outlook: Needs defensive consistency

Grade: B-

---

12. Wisborg Donuts

Snapshot: Competitive but inconsistent

Player Impact: Kempe & Lindholm carry scoring load

Outlook: Bubble team

Grade: B-

---

13. Seattle Reign

Snapshot: High scoring, leaky defense

Player Impact: Hischier, Connor, Nylander keep games close

Outlook: Entertaining but risky

Grade: B-

---

14. Parry Sound Orrsmen

Snapshot: Inconsistent results, good home stretch

Player Impact: Hughes and MacKinnon still elite drivers

Outlook: Needs defensive help

Grade: C+

---

15. Niagara Falls Thunder

Snapshot: Slightly positive trend

Player Impact: Marchand brings edge; Point solid

Outlook: Still alive but fragile

Grade: C+

---

16. Chippawa Crackerjacks

Snapshot: .500 team with momentum

Player Impact: McCann & Stamkos steady offense

Outlook: Playoff longshot

Grade: C+

---

REBUILD / STRUGGLING TEAMS

17. Senneterre Beavers

Snapshot: Defensive issues, limited offense

Player Impact: Pinto shows flashes

Outlook: Development year

Grade: C

---

18. Georgetown Millers

Snapshot: Cold stretch (L5), scoring droughts

Player Impact: Larkin, Necas doing heavy lifting

Outlook: Needs structure

Grade: C-

---

19. Chattahoochee Crawdads

Snapshot: Severe goal deficit

Player Impact: Zacha, Johnson competitive but overmatched

Outlook: Asset evaluation season

Grade: D+

---

20. Willowdale Rush

Snapshot: Poor road play, weak defense

Player Impact: Robertson still dangerous

Outlook: Rebuild underway

Grade: D

---

21. Springfield Isotopes

Snapshot: Defensive struggles persist

Player Impact: Seider & Hronek overworked

Outlook: Needs roster overhaul

Grade: D

---

22. Val-d’Or Nuggets

Snapshot: League-worst goal differential

Player Impact: Slafkovský developing under pressure

Outlook: Long-term rebuild

Grade: D-

The Calgary Chinook Christmas report card

 Mikko Rantanen

Role: First-line winger

A model of consistency and production. Nearly 70 points at midseason, strong shooting efficiency, and excellent physical engagement. He remains a matchup nightmare and a key offensive engine.

Grade: A

⸻

Brent Burns

Role: Top-pair defense / power-play weapon

Burns continues to defy age with heavy minutes, strong secondary scoring, and physical play. While foot speed can be exposed at times, his puck movement and presence remain invaluable.

Grade: A-

⸻

Alex Ovechkin

Role: Goal-scoring specialist

Still lethal. His 22 goals in 47 games underline that the shot hasn’t gone anywhere. Not as dominant at even strength as in his prime, but his finishing and power-play value are elite.

Grade: A-

⸻

Matthew Tkachuk

Role: Power forward / emotional driver

Brings offense, grit, and edge every night. Strong shooting efficiency, heavy physical play, and consistent point production. Occasionally undisciplined, but his impact outweighs the risks.

Grade: A-

⸻

Adin Hill

Role: Starting goaltender

Hill has delivered a strong, dependable first half. A solid .913 save percentage and 16 wins in 23 starts show he’s given the Chinook a chance to win most nights. While the 3.17 GAA suggests some defensive breakdowns in front of him, his consistency and ability to steady the team in key stretches have been crucial. Not elite every night, but clearly reliable.

Grade: A-

⸻

Alex DeBrincat

Role: Top-six scorer

Solid but slightly streaky. Generates shots at a high rate and remains dangerous offensively, though consistency has dipped compared to expectations. Still a dependable scoring option.

Grade: B+

⸻

Mikael Backlund

Role: Two-way center

Quietly excellent. Reliable defensively, positive point totals, and strong situational usage. Not flashy, but extremely effective in his role.

Grade: B+

⸻

John Tavares

Role: Top-six center

Very steady production and strong faceoff/possession impact. His skating isn’t what it once was, but his hockey IQ and offensive instincts remain top tier.

Grade: B+

⸻

Dustin Wolf

Role: Backup / goaltender of the future

Wolf’s rookie season has been encouraging. His 15 wins in 25 games reflect strong competitiveness, even if the .903 save percentage and 3.27 GAA show expected growing pains. He’s faced heavy workloads and handled pressure well for a young goalie. The foundation is there, and his development trajectory remains very positive.

Grade: B+

⸻

Adam Larsson

Role: Shutdown defenseman

Plays hard, physical minutes against top competition. Limited offense, but his defensive reliability and toughness are crucial to the team’s structure.

Grade: B

⸻

Connor Bedard

Role: Offensive center

The raw skill is obvious, but finishing hasn’t caught up yet. Playmaking is strong, ice time is solid, and growth is evident. The breakout feels inevitable.

Grade: B

⸻

Nikita Zadorov

Role: Physical defenseman

Brings intimidation and energy every night. Offense is modest, but his physical dominance and willingness to engage set the tone. Penalty risk is the tradeoff.

Grade: B

⸻

Rasmus Andersson

Role: Two-way defense

Solid minutes, reliable puck movement, and steady defensive play. Not a standout offensively this year, but dependable overall.

Grade: B

⸻

Kevin Bahl

Role: Depth defenseman

Low offense but strong physical presence. Used effectively in limited minutes, especially in defensive situations.

Grade: B-

⸻

Ryan Suter

Role: Veteran depth defense

Experience and positioning still help, but impact is limited. Useful in sheltered minutes, though his role needs to remain controlled.

Grade: B-

⸻

Matt Coronato

Role: Middle-six winger

Flashes of scoring ability, but overall impact has been inconsistent. Needs to drive play more regularly to solidify his role.

Grade: C+

⸻

William Karlsson

Role: Depth center

Struggled offensively and defensively relative to expectations. Limited impact at both ends of the ice so far.

Grade: C

⸻

Tyson Foerster

Role: Depth forward

Limited sample size, modest production. Hasn’t hurt the team, but hasn’t made a strong case for expanded minutes either.

Grade: C

⸻

Alexis Lafrenière

Role: Bottom-six winger

A disappointing first half. Very low shooting percentage and limited offensive confidence. Needs a reset to rediscover his game.

Grade: C-

⸻

Eeli Tolvanen

Role: Depth winger

Too small a sample to judge. Scored once in limited action, but needs sustained opportunity to evaluate properly.

Grade: Incomplete

The 12 Days of Christmas (Standings Edition)

 Here is the CCHL's 12 Days of Christmas - standings edition.  The first will feature the top 12 teams and the next will feature the bottom 12 teams.  

Enjoy!

On the 1st day of Christmas, the standings gave to me…

🎁 One Falcon winning spree!
(Fort Erie still winning, please send help)

---

On the 2nd day of Christmas, the standings gave to me…

🎁🎁 Two Spurs still chasing,
🎁 One Falcon winning spree!

---

On the 3rd day of Christmas, the standings gave to me…

🎁🎁🎁 Three Loons a-sneaking,
🎁🎁 Two Spurs still chasing,
🎁 One Falcon winning spree!

---

On the 4th day of Christmas, the standings gave to me…

🎁🎁🎁🎁 Four Aces dealing,
🎁🎁🎁 Three Loons a-sneaking,
🎁🎁 Two Spurs still chasing,
🎁 One Falcon winning spree!

---

On the 5th day of Christmas, the standings gave to me…

🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁 FIVE CHINOOK STREEEEAKS!
🎁🎁🎁🎁 Four Aces dealing,
🎁🎁🎁 Three Loons a-sneaking,
🎁🎁 Two Spurs still chasing,
🎁 One Falcon winning spree!

---

On the 6th day of Christmas, the standings gave to me…

🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁 Six Icecats home wins,
🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁 FIVE CHINOOK STREEEEAKS!
🎁🎁🎁🎁 Four Aces dealing,
🎁🎁🎁 Three Loons a-sneaking,
🎁🎁 Two Spurs still chasing,
🎁 One Falcon winning spree!

---

On the 7th day of Christmas, the standings gave to me…

🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁 Seven Kilts flapping,
🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁 Six Icecats home wins,
🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁 FIVE CHINOOK STREEEEAKS!
🎁🎁🎁🎁 Four Aces dealing,
🎁🎁🎁 Three Loons a-sneaking,
🎁🎁 Two Spurs still chasing,
🎁 One Falcon winning spree!

---

On the 8th day of Christmas, the standings gave to me…

🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁 Eight Comets crashing,
🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁 Seven Kilts flapping,
🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁 Six Icecats home wins,
🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁 FIVE CHINOOK STREEEEAKS!
🎁🎁🎁🎁 Four Aces dealing,
🎁🎁🎁 Three Loons a-sneaking,
🎁🎁 Two Spurs still chasing,
🎁 One Falcon winning spree!

---

On the 9th day of Christmas, the standings gave to me…

🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁 Nine Scorpions stinging,
🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁 Eight Comets crashing,
🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁 Seven Kilts flapping,
🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁 Six Icecats home wins,
🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁 FIVE CHINOOK STREEEEAKS!
🎁🎁🎁🎁 Four Aces dealing,
🎁🎁🎁 Three Loons a-sneaking,
🎁🎁 Two Spurs still chasing,
🎁 One Falcon winning spree!

---

On the 10th day of Christmas, the standings gave to me…

🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁 Ten Ronin wavering,
🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁 Nine Scorpions stinging,
🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁 Eight Comets crashing,
🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁 Seven Kilts flapping,
🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁 Six Icecats home wins,
🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁 FIVE CHINOOK STREEEEAKS!
🎁🎁🎁🎁 Four Aces dealing,
🎁🎁🎁 Three Loons a-sneaking,
🎁🎁 Two Spurs still chasing,
🎁 One Falcon winning spree!

---

On the 11th day of Christmas, the standings gave to me…

🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁 Eleven Norsemen raiding,
🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁 Ten Ronin wavering,
🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁 Nine Scorpions stinging,
🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁 Eight Comets crashing,
🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁 Seven Kilts flapping,
🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁 Six Icecats home wins,
🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁 FIVE CHINOOK STREEEEAKS!
🎁🎁🎁🎁 Four Aces dealing,
🎁🎁🎁 Three Loons a-sneaking,
🎁🎁 Two Spurs still chasing,
🎁 One Falcon winning spree!

---

On the 12th day of Christmas, the standings gave to me…

🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁 Twelve Donuts glazing,
🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁 Eleven Norsemen raiding,
🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁 Ten Ronin wavering,
🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁 Nine Scorpions stinging,
🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁 Eight Comets crashing,
🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁 Seven Kilts flapping,
🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁 Six Icecats home wins,
🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁 FIVE CHINOOK STREEEEAKS!
🎁🎁🎁🎁 Four Aces dealing,
🎁🎁🎁 Three Loons a-sneaking,
🎁🎁 Two Spurs still chasing,
🎁 One Falcon winning spree!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

---

On the 1st day of Christmas, the standings gave to me…

🎁 One Nugget buried deep!
(Val-d’Or digging, still digging…)

---

On the 2nd day of Christmas, the standings gave to me…

🎁🎁 Two Rush going nowhere,
🎁 One Nugget buried deep!

---

On the 3rd day of Christmas, the standings gave to me…

🎁🎁🎁 Three Isotopes leaking,
🎁🎁 Two Rush going nowhere,
🎁 One Nugget buried deep!

---

On the 4th day of Christmas, the standings gave to me…

🎁🎁🎁🎁 Four Crawdads traveling (poorly),
🎁🎁🎁 Three Isotopes leaking,
🎁🎁 Two Rush going nowhere,
🎁 One Nugget buried deep!

---

On the 5th day of Christmas, the standings gave to me…

🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁 FIVE BEAVERS FLOOOODING!
🎁🎁🎁🎁 Four Crawdads traveling (poorly),
🎁🎁🎁 Three Isotopes leaking,
🎁🎁 Two Rush going nowhere,
🎁 One Nugget buried deep!

---

On the 6th day of Christmas, the standings gave to me…

🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁 Six Millers milling,
🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁 FIVE BEAVERS FLOOOODING!
🎁🎁🎁🎁 Four Crawdads traveling (poorly),
🎁🎁🎁 Three Isotopes leaking,
🎁🎁 Two Rush going nowhere,
🎁 One Nugget buried deep!

---

On the 7th day of Christmas, the standings gave to me…

🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁 Seven Crackerjacks popping,
🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁 Six Millers milling,
🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁 FIVE BEAVERS FLOOOODING!
🎁🎁🎁🎁 Four Crawdads traveling (poorly),
🎁🎁🎁 Three Isotopes leaking,
🎁🎁 Two Rush going nowhere,
🎁 One Nugget buried deep!

---

On the 8th day of Christmas, the standings gave to me…

🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁 Eight Thunder rumbling (softly),
🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁 Seven Crackerjacks popping,
🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁 Six Millers milling,
🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁 FIVE BEAVERS FLOOOODING!
🎁🎁🎁🎁 Four Crawdads traveling (poorly),
🎁🎁🎁 Three Isotopes leaking,
🎁🎁 Two Rush going nowhere,
🎁 One Nugget buried deep!

---

On the 9th day of Christmas, the standings gave to me…

🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁 Nine Reign collapsing,
🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁 Eight Thunder rumbling (softly),
🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁 Seven Crackerjacks popping,
🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁 Six Millers milling,
🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁 FIVE BEAVERS FLOOOODING!
🎁🎁🎁🎁 Four Crawdads traveling (poorly),
🎁🎁🎁 Three Isotopes leaking,
🎁🎁 Two Rush going nowhere,
🎁 One Nugget buried deep!

---

On the 10th day of Christmas, the standings gave to me…

🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁 Ten Orrsmen balancing,
🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁 Nine Reign collapsing,
🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁 Eight Thunder rumbling (softly),
🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁 Seven Crackerjacks popping,
🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁 Six Millers milling,
🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁 FIVE BEAVERS FLOOOODING!
🎁🎁🎁🎁 Four Crawdads traveling (poorly),
🎁🎁🎁 Three Isotopes leaking,
🎁🎁 Two Rush going nowhere,
🎁 One Nugget buried deep!

---

On the 11th day of Christmas, the standings gave to me…

🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁 Eleven Donuts glazing,
🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁 Ten Orrsmen balancing,
🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁 Nine Reign collapsing,
🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁 Eight Thunder rumbling (softly),
🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁 Seven Crackerjacks popping,
🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁 Six Millers milling,
🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁 FIVE BEAVERS FLOOOODING!
🎁🎁🎁🎁 Four Crawdads traveling (poorly),
🎁🎁🎁 Three Isotopes leaking,
🎁🎁 Two Rush going nowhere,
🎁 One Nugget buried deep!

---

On the 12th day of Christmas, the standings gave to me…

🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁 Twelve Norsemen leaking,
🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁 Eleven Donuts glazing,
🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁 Ten Orrsmen balancing,
🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁 Nine Reign collapsing,
🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁 Eight Thunder rumbling (softly),
🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁 Seven Crackerjacks popping,
🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁 Six Millers milling,
🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁 FIVE BEAVERS FLOOOODING!
🎁🎁🎁🎁 Four Crawdads traveling (poorly),
🎁🎁🎁 Three Isotopes leaking,
🎁🎁 Two Rush going nowhere,
🎁 One Nugget buried deep!

Oh the Teams You Will Boo!

 (A Dr. Seuss–Inspired Christmas Letter to Every GM)

Here's a Dr. Seuss-inspired Christmas letter to every CCHL GM from Santa Claus based on our current standings.  

Fort Erie Falcons

Oh Falcons, oh Falcons, you win and you win,
You score and you score and then score once again.
The league looks quite tired, exhausted, depressed—
PLEASE STOP BEING GOOD.
(Signed, Santa. And the rest.)

---

Denver Spurs

Oh Spurs on your horse with a saddle so tight,
You’re strong and you’re steady and mostly alright.
But glance at Fort Erie and what do I see?
A tiny bit nervous? Just maybe. Just wee.

---

Capeside Loons

Oh Loons, oh you Loons, you sneak under the radar,
Winning games quietly, neater and smarter.
You say “Are we good?” and I shout “YES YOU ARE!”
Now stop doubting yourselves and go raise the bar.

---

Las Vegas Aces

Oh Aces, oh Aces, you roll every die,
You win games you shouldn’t and no one knows why.
Your luck is suspicious, your vibes are elite—
I checked the rulebook.
It’s all technically legal. Neat.

---

Calgary Chinook

The Chinook blows warm, it blows fast, it blows fierce,
It melts through the league like a hockey hot pierce.
Don’t touch it! Don’t tweak it! Don’t “fix” what ain’t broke—
Just ride that hot streak till it runs out of smoke.

---

Iceland Icecats

At home you’re a tiger, a beast, a delight!
On the road you’re a kitten that lost every fight.
Remember your skates. Remember your plan.
You’re still good at hockey.
Yes. Even in vans.

---

Fergus Flapping Kilts

Oh Kilts with your flaps and your wins running dry,
You started so strong—what went wrong? Oh my my.
A streak is a streak, it can end if you try,
But first you must stop letting pucks just go by.

---

Amos Comets

Oh Comets go WHOOSH as they blast through the sky,
Then BOOM they fall down and no one knows why.
I brought you some glue and a seatbelt or two—
Please stop burning up.
We believe in you.

---

New Mexico Scorpions

The Scorpions scuttle, they strike when you blink,
You don’t see them coming until…
Oh.
You sink.
Keep sneaking and stinging and scaring them all—
The quietest teams are the worst ones to brawl.

---

Victoria Ronin

A Ronin with honor, with skill and with might,
Who wins on some days and then vanishes—poof—out of sight.
Choose who you are! Be bold! Be precise!
Pick chaos or calm—just roll the same dice.

---

Halifax Norsemen

Oh Norsemen go raiding with goals galore,
But leave the back door wide, wide open once more.
A shield is quite handy. A defender as well.
Vikings defend.
(Just thought I should tell.)

---

Wisborg Donuts

Oh Donuts! Oh Donuts! You score with such flair,
But crumbs are everywhere.
Defense? Nowhere.
I love you, I do, but please understand—
Sprinkles don’t cover the whole of the plan.

---

Parry Sound Orrsmen

Oh Orrsmen, oh Orrsmen, so perfectly plain,
You win some, you lose some, again and again.
Not bad! Not great! Just balanced and true—
The league’s human shrug.
That is… impressive? I guess? You do you.

---

Seattle Reign

Oh Reign with your crown and your glorious start,
You rule for two periods—then fall apart.
A king must rule late, when the pressure is loud,
Not hand off the throne to the visiting crowd.

---

Niagara Falls Thunder

There’s thunder! There’s noise! There’s BOOM in the air!
But goals? Not enough.
Please add some right there.
The storm has potential, it rumbles, it roars—
Now strike like you mean it and light up the scores.

---

Chippawa Crackerjacks

Oh Crackerjacks pop with a bounce and a bang,
Some nights you look brilliant, some nights—just… clang.
Surprises are fun and I love the suspense,
But winning more often would make so much sense.

---

Georgetown Millers

Oh Millers at home, what happened to you?
You forget how to win in the place you sleep too.
I left you a sign and it says very clear:
“THIS IS YOUR HOUSE.
PLEASE ACT LIKE YOU’RE HERE.”

---

Senneterre Beavers

The Beavers build dams! That’s what Beavers should do!
Yours broke in November and flooded right through.
Grab logs! Grab sticks! Patch holes with great care—
The goals are escaping.
They’re everywhere. EVERYWHERE.

---

Chattahoochee Crawdads

Oh Crawdads on roads go splat, splat, SPLAT,
It’s ugly. It’s messy. We can’t sugarcoat that.
Stay home if you must or learn how to roam—
Because holy moly, please win one from home.

---

Springfield Isotopes

Oh Isotopes glow and they crackle and hiss,
This season’s unstable. It’s something like THIS.
Contain it! Control it! Before it goes BOOM—
I’m writing this letter in a hazmat suit room.

---

Willowdale Rush

Oh Rush, oh you Rush with your speed and your dash,
You zoom to nowhere and then… gently crash.
Fast is just fast if there’s no end in sight—
Try rushing toward winning. That’d be just right.

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Val-d’Or Nuggets

Oh Nuggets, dear Nuggets, I dug and I dug,
But found mostly rocks and one slightly sad lug.
There might be some gold way down deep in the pit—
Bring a bigger shovel.
You’re gonna need it.