Earlier this week, the man, Ed O'Neill - Al Bundy himself- stopped by the CCHL headquarters and went through the standings as only Al Bundy can.
Below is what Al thought of the standings!
CORFIELD — As Told by Al Bundy, Victim of Life
1. Fort Erie Falcons
45 wins. +103 goal diff.
Al: “This team is Peggy with my credit card.”
They take everything, leave nothing, and somehow look smug doing it. Every night they win again and I ask myself, “Why do I even bother coming home?”
2. Capeside Loons
Solid, respectable.
“This is Marcie.”
Always loud about how “good” they are, always pointing at the numbers, and still never the real alpha in the room.
3. Amos Comets
Hot lately.
“This is Jefferson when he actually pays his half of the bar tab.”
Rare, suspicious, and you’re waiting for the scam to show itself.
4. Calgary Chinook
Good team, L4 skid.
“This is Bud talking big before getting stuffed in a locker.”
All that confidence, then reality shows up and takes your lunch money.
5. Fergus Flapping Kilts
Decent, forgettable.
“This is Kelly trying to sound smart.”
Looks fine, gets attention, but when you dig deeper there’s absolutely nothing going on upstairs.
6. Halifax Norsemen
+1 goal diff.
“This is my marriage.”
No joy, no disaster — just an endless grind where nobody wins.
7. Seattle Reign
Negative goal diff, still alive.
“This is me at work on a Saturday.”
Still standing, still suffering, wondering how it all went so wrong.
8. Niagara Falls Thunder
Perfectly average.
“This is Buck chasing his tail.”
A lot of motion, zero progress, somehow still entertaining.
9. Chippawa Crackerjacks
One point out.
“This is NO MA’AM planning a protest.”
Lots of yelling, lots of passion, and absolutely no chance it changes anything.
10. Senneterre Beavers
-34 goal diff.
“This is the fat lady in the shoe store.”
Takes forever, leaves destruction behind, and ruins everyone’s day.
11. Springfield Isotopes
-62.
Al rubs temples.
“This is me believing Peggy when she says ‘I won’t spend much.’”
Pure pain. Every night.
CANOSA — Pain, But Spread Out
1. Denver Spurs
First place, but boring.
“This is Marcie’s fitness routine.”
Technically impressive, emotionally exhausting, and I don’t care.
2. Iceland Icecats
+44 goal diff.
“This is Peggy when she actually cleans the house.”
Terrifying, unexpected, and makes me deeply uncomfortable.
3. New Mexico Scorpions
W5 streak.
“This is Jefferson when he smells free food.”
Suddenly motivated, suddenly dangerous.
4. Las Vegas Aces
Inconsistent.
“This is Kelly’s dating history.”
Flashy, exciting, and you know it’s going to end badly.
5. Wisborg Donuts
Great at home, awful on the road.
“This is me.”
King of my couch, completely useless anywhere else.
6. Victoria Ronin
Sliding.
“This is Bud’s self-esteem.”
Started with hope. Didn’t last.
7. Parry Sound Orrsmen
Barely alive.
“This is NO MA’AM after the beer runs out.”
Still standing, but you can see the end coming.
8. Georgetown Millers
Fading fast.
“This is my paycheck after Peggy sees it.”
Gone before I even get to enjoy it.
9. Chattahoochee Crawdads
-53 but W3.
“This is Kelly passing a test.”
Shocking, suspicious, and probably a mistake.
10. Willowdale Rush
-56.
“This is the shoe store on Black Friday.”
Chaos, screaming, and nobody leaves happy.
11. Val-d’Or Nuggets
-83.
Buck whimpers. Al pats him.
“Even Buck knows this season should be put down humanely.”
Al Bundy’s Final Wisdom
Fort Erie is ruining everyone’s life like Peggy with access to Amazon.
Corfield has a tyrant.
Canosa has a mess.
And somewhere… Al Bundy still scored four touchdowns in one game.
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