Beavis and Butthead with Happy Gilmore converse about the CCHL's top 15 scorers

 Earlier this week, CCHL superfans Beavis and Butthead got together with golf/hockey legend Happy Gilmore to review the top 15 scorers in the CCHL.  

Here's what they had to say!  

1. Nico Hischier – 89 points

Butt-Head: Uh huh huh… this guy scores a lot.
Beavis: Yeah! He scores more than we score with chicks!
Happy: YOU DON’T SCORE WITH CHICKS.
Beavis: I score spiritually.
Happy: 89 points? That’s like winning every tournament and still being calm about it. I hate calm people.

2. Cale Makar – 88 points (Defenseman)

Beavis: Wait… defense?
Butt-Head: Yeah but he scores anyway. That’s illegal.
Happy: Defensemen aren’t supposed to do that. That’s like my caddy winning the tournament.
Beavis: Heh heh… caddy.

3. Jack Eichel – 83 points

Butt-Head: This guy looks like he talks trash and backs it up.
Beavis: Yeah, he probably steals girlfriends.
Happy: If this guy stole my girl I’d punch him with my skate on.
Butt-Head: Do it. Do it now.

4. Sam Reinhart – 81 points

Beavis: Dude scores AND hits.
Butt-Head: Heh heh… violence.
Happy: Finally. A scorer who understands anger. I respect that.

5. Mikko Rantanen – 77 points

Butt-Head: Big guy.
Beavis: Like… really big.
Happy: That guy could stand in front of the net and just exist and score.
Beavis: I score by existing.
Happy: No you don’t.

6. Leon Draisaitl – 74 points

Beavis: He’s always open.
Butt-Head: Like a vending machine after practice.
Happy: This guy waits for mistakes and punishes people. I like that. That’s my whole personality.

7. Aleksander Barkov – 73 points

Butt-Head: This guy does everything.
Beavis: Yeah, boring.
Happy: No. That’s scary. Guys like this beat you without talking trash.
Butt-Head: That’s messed up.

8. Kyle Connor – 73 points

Beavis: Connor scores.
Butt-Head: Heh heh… Connor.
Happy: Kid just shows up, scores, leaves. Like a hitman.
Beavis: Goal assassin! Heh heh.

9. Auston Matthews – 73 points

Butt-Head: Only 73?
Beavis: Heh… washed?
Happy: You idiots. That guy scores even when he’s having a “bad year.”
Butt-Head: His mustache still scares me.

10. Adrian Kempe – 72 points

Beavis: Sneaky scorer.
Butt-Head: Like sneaking beer into class.
Happy: I like sneaky. Sneaky wins championships.
Beavis: Sneaky scores with chicks.

11. Jake Sanderson – 72 points (Defenseman)

Beavis: ANOTHER defenseman?!
Butt-Head: This league is broken.
Happy: If my defenseman scored this much, I’d stop yelling at him.
(pause)
Actually no I wouldn’t.

12. Seth Jarvis – 71 points

Butt-Head: This guy just keeps scoring.
Beavis: Like… annoying scoring.
Happy: That’s the worst kind. You don’t notice him until you’re losing.

13. Anthony Cirelli – 70 points

Beavis: Low penalty minutes.
Butt-Head: That’s lame.
Happy: Discipline wins games.
Beavis: Shut up, Happy.

14. Connor McDavid – 70 points

Butt-Head: Only 70?!
Beavis: Heh heh… loser.
Happy: LISTEN. If that guy wanted to score 100, he would. He’s just bored.
Butt-Head: Oh.
Beavis: Still scores more than us.

15. Matt Boldy – 70 points

Beavis: Plus-27!
Butt-Head: That’s hot.
Happy: That’s a guy who helps you win and makes everyone else look bad.
Beavis: I make people look bad.
Happy: Yeah. Yourself.

Butt-Head: So these guys score goals…
Beavis: …and chicks…
Happy: YOU DON’T SCORE WITH CHICKS.
Beavis: I score in my mind.

Happy (standing up):
You know what? Hockey’s easy. Just score goals, hit people, and don’t be an idiot.

Beavis & Butt-Head:
Uh… heh heh… too hard.